Have you ever felt like you are on the road to lasting change? You know exactly what you need to do, the action steps necessary, yet you still struggle to do it consistently? Whether it be a habit, a different communication style, become better organised or adopt a new way of working. Yet, despite your best intentions, you keep slipping back into your old behaviour, and hey presto, that lasting change becomes elusive once more.
It’s easy to assume this means you lack discipline, commitment or ability. But what if you haven’t failed at all? You’ve overlooked a key piece. You haven’t integrated the new behaviour yet. In this article, I’ll explain the three stages of lasting change and reveal the messy stage we so often overlook.
The Three Stages of Lasting Change
When we think about personal or professional change, we often focus on the gap between knowing and doing. We gather information, learn new strategies and understand what we should do. But knowing something doesn’t guarantee we will act on it, or will create lasting change.
This is the Knowing to Doing Gap.
We often think that once we take action, we have crossed the Knowing to Doing Gap. But doing something once is not the same as being able to do it consistently. Between knowing what to do and creating lasting change lies a messy period of practice, feedback, adjustment and repetition. Only then can the new behaviour become integrated.
- Information
- Implementation
- Integration
First, information gives us knowledge. We understand what needs to change. Next, implementation is when we begin putting that knowledge into practice. Finally, integration occurs when we repeat and reinforce the new behaviour enough for it to become a more natural, consistent and, eventually, automatic behaviour. This is precisely how we create new habits and lasting change. Furthermore, it helps increase our muscle of self-mastery.
In simple terms:
Know it , Practise it, Embed it.
The implementation stage is where things can become messy on the road to lasting change
We may understand the theory but struggle to apply it. One day we get it right and the next, fall back into old habits. It’s common to become frustrated as we expect that when we know what to do, we should be able to do it.
Understanding a new behaviour and being able to perform it consistently and effortlessly are two very different things.
A Lesson From the Pickleball Court
I was reminded of this during a recent pickleball training session. My coach, and others, have been telling me that I hit the ball too late. It’s a habit I have developed and reinforced over approximately 18 months. Until now, no one had properly explained what I was doing or helped me understand how to change it. My coach showed me on a video where my arm was and why I was making contact with the ball too late.
Suddenly, I had the information. I could see the problem. Like a light bulb going on, I understood what I was doing wrong and could see what I needed to do differently. But knowing that didn’t mean I could immediately correct it.
During the drills, I tried to make contact earlier. Sometimes I did. Other times, my arm went back too far and the old movement took over before I even realised it.
What made it more difficult was that I couldn’t always feel the difference. My brain understood what my coach was telling me, but my body had been practising the old movement for a long time. We have to reprogram our subconscious mind with new information.
This is the implementation stage in lasting change
The practice phase, where we do our best to implement the new can feel awkward and unfamiliar. It requires concentration, feedback and correction. And, importantly, lots of practice and repetition. Sometimes we get it right. Sometimes we don’t.
That doesn’t mean the coaching isn’t working or that we’re incapable of changing the movement. It means we are learning. Furthermore, learning and creating habits takes time, consistency, persistence and a sprinkling of kindness. When I played in a session that afternoon, I realised that I still wasn’t doing what I had been taught a lot of the time.
In the middle of a point, or a high pressure moment at work, it’s common to fall back into our default way of operating. Our adrenalin, or desire to win, not make a mistake, or make a fast decision, kicks in. It seems as if momentarily our thinking brain freezes. Exactly why mental rehearsal and reflection are key activities to help integrate new behaviours, and create winning performances.
The goal now is to repeat the correct movement often enough for it to become integrated. Eventually, I won’t need to consciously think, “Hit the ball earlier.” It will become my new automatic response.
“Practice isn’t the thing you do once you’re good. It’s the thing you do that makes you good.” — Malcolm Gladwell
Why Implementation Can Feel Like Failure
This messy stage on the road to lasting change doesn’t apply only to sport. We experience it whenever we try to change a familiar behaviour.
You may know that you need to pause before responding emotionally but still react before you remember. Perhaps you are learning to delegate but find yourself taking over when something isn’t done your way. Or, you intend to plan your priorities first thing in the morning but automatically open your emails and become immersed in matters that are interesting but not important.
In each case, you have the information and have begun implementing what you know. However, the old response has been practised so often that it still feels more natural than the new one.
This is where many people become discouraged. They think:
“I know this. Why am I still doing the same thing?”
It’s common to interpret inconsistency as evidence that we are failing. We become impatient, judge ourselves or abandon the change altogether. Showing ourselves compassion as we move from implementation to integration is vital and is a key ingredient of a champion mindset.
Doing something once is not the same as being able to do it consistently. Between knowing and integration lies the mess period of practice, errors, feedback, adjustment and repetition. Each time we practise the new behaviour, receive feedback and adjust, it becomes more familiar. What once required considerable conscious effort can gradually become more natural and automatic.
Not Every Step in the Road to Lasting Change is the same
Sometimes an Invisible Pattern may be preventing us from taking action in the first place. At other times, we are taking action, but the new behaviour simply hasn’t been practised enough to become integrated.
Recognising the difference helps us understand what we need next.
Where Are You in the Process?
If you are working on a change at the moment, ask yourself:
- Am I missing information?
- Am I struggling to implement what I know?
- Or am I in the process of integration?
Perhaps you are already practising the new behaviour, but it still feels awkward, inconsistent and far from automatic. You may simply need to continue practising instead of judging yourself for not having mastered it yet.
Lasting change rarely happens the moment we learn something new.
- Information gives us knowledge.
- Implementation begins the change.
- Integration makes the change sustainable.
So, if change feels messy right now, don’t automatically assume you are failing. You may simply be in that important space between knowing what to do and making it part of who you are.
Keep going. And as I always say:
“Never, ever, ever quit on yourself.”
About the Author
Mandy Napier is a High Performance Mindset Coach who helps capable professionals, business owners and leaders uncover and transform the Invisible Patterns that keep them stuck. Through science-backed tools, practical coaching and lived experience, she helps people strengthen clarity, confidence and consistency so they can become the person they already know they’re capable of being.
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